Mom,
I read through my cards and letters to you that you saved. I'm always saying sorry........When I look back my BEST memories are with YOU! I can't ever say sorry or any single freaking word to you now anymore cuz your not here. It's so frustrating to me because I worked myself to death, like 16-18 hours so many months. My GOAL was to make my own business and help you like 20 hours a day. I failed at that and it eats me alive every single day. EVERY DAY! I video taped you my every project and what I did and what I was going to do and I just wanted to make you proud. I miss you bad. I never can just sit and be happy it feels like now. I never seen me being like this and I don't know what to do with me now. I can't even barely paint mom. I don't want to talk to people or be around people.. I just want YOU back. I just want you back. I always think that night when you looked at me with your eyes teared up saying, "you know you will be okay" and I told you honestly " I will never be okay again" and we both cried. I didn't even know that was 100% true, but it was. It was completely. You were alot like me. You always wanted to be loved. You always were funny. Mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I miss you! I HATE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate all of this. My lesson in life was learned. YOu always treat people like they are MORE precious in gold, one day you won't have them or they won't have you. Life is short. God makes the plans. Humans just live the best they can and they totally feel like they screw up. I feel like though you had a huge part of my heart always and I don't know HOW TO LIVE NOW! What am I supposed to do? I have no idea. NONE. People say smile, live, your in heaven, your flying high.. I hate when people say that. I dont' know why. But, I saw you breathing and dying and barely breathing and it made me sick and sad and it was so hard to watch and when people cough even know makes me think of that day. I'm glad you had to not suffer any more than you did. That was my worst day ever in life. #1. BY FAR!. BUT............... I know you are in heaven. I know you are. That makes me happy 90% of the time. My 10% is selfish. All selfish. Mom, you made me the person I am today. I thought after that day I had zero words to say. I always do! I have random stuff to say and think NOW so much. I just hope you know it all. That is all I need to say for today you cute nosed lady. I just love you and will always love you.
Always and Forever Mama!!!!
Bambi
Wednesday, January 3, 2018
Thursday, February 18, 2016
Wine is the Cure All..............
Happy national wine day!
February 18th is pry my most favorite day of the year. Most people don't know this about me. I mean you have to celebrate your friends. Wine is my friend and today is wine's birthday!
I'm not racist to wine. I love dark and white and pink and all wine. I'm not a wine snob. I don't care if wine comes in a bottle or box or merlot or blush, I love wine! When people ask me if I would like a glass of wine, I say yes please. Well after all I was raised with manners.
In the winter wine gets you through everything. It shows up with the family disfunction, it pairs with your cheese and crackers and candy canes.
In spring it pairs with your mulching your yard and at this point you don't need a mosquito net for your wine glass JUST YET! Summer is coming!!
In summer it pairs with any cup with a flower on the side of it. Do you ever go through stores like Bed bath and beyond or Walmart? All the cups have a flower on the side of them! So I feel like yes wine should be in a wine glass tumbler, or maybe perhaps a mason jar tea jar!
In fall it pairs with firepits and apples and insulated yeti cups. Did you know yeti cups keep wine cold? For that reason alone you should buy a Yeti. Be like my sisters, you powder coat them too! Don't just go half-ways. Own a $70 insulated wine glass/cup.
Well I have covered my entire year. Wine and me have been together for a long time. I want to tell you where we first met. I used to manage a weight loss company. Our Christmas party was a place in Omaha, Ne called Tasting Place. You got to try 3 or more white ones and red ones like wise and also what they paired with food wise. Well I had a few favorites after that. Before that I was a Budlight and Captain Morgan drink girl ONLY.
I went to a liquor store in Grand Island, NE called Liquor Mart and I told the man who said can I help you (even thought I was thinking that was a loaded question) that I had recently attended a wine tasting and I forgot the wines I liked. He says, what kind of beer do you like. I reply bud light. He says, okay then this is the wine you need. It was called Starling Riesling. It was a light colored wine with a castle in the back of the bottle. I decided it was destiny. I will get this. I mean I had all "green lights" That wine ROCKED!!!
I heard there was things called wine tastings.... who would NOT go to those? I certainly thought I should go. I went to one. I still go to them. Who wouldn't?
People ask my favorite wine. I will tell you my least classiest and highest classiest and way over my head classiest wines. Let's start from the bottom. BOXED WINE! More bang for the money. I love Classic Red. I always have 3 on stand by. Wine on a tap, who wouldn't ? I always think of wine in a box is like a adult capri sun Next would be my medium wines. I went to a winery in Florida I love/loved, called Lake ridge Winery & Vineyards they send me coupons online buy a case get one free. Who wouldn't? Their wine is AMAZING!! They had the best tour and wine I have came across in my super short years of being alive. Okay so for the expensive wine, I'm totally lying, I have drank some pricey wines. I never have had one that is like OMG lad, we need a 1806 bottle from France. If I ever talk like that slap me. Seriously. My favorite high dollar wine would be the Marilyn Monroe Collection from Napa Valley, CA. I have a full bottle with the cork in. If I could have a collection. This would be it! I have a empty bottle too and a cork. The cork has lip prints. Adorbs!
I think wine full fills another part of my life. When I say wine is the answer to everything, it is. You could, wish your coffee cup was full of wine, tilt your cup to the side. (I don't know where that coffee went) You refill with Merlot. (why not-it's a fruit, it's breakfast- so is coffee, it is the same thing). All of a sudden your like I can fight the HULK and talk anyone into buying what I'm selling. If your having a bad day, you fill your glass up with wine and say in a positive manner " My glass is more than full" It's a great day. The day goes on. Someone asked you your favorite color, you reply "merlot" they look at you sideways like a chicken on a 4-H day.
Happy Wine day! I think next year being a Friday it shall be more than fabulous............Can you imagine?
Love you!
xoooxoxoxox
Bambi
February 18th is pry my most favorite day of the year. Most people don't know this about me. I mean you have to celebrate your friends. Wine is my friend and today is wine's birthday!
I'm not racist to wine. I love dark and white and pink and all wine. I'm not a wine snob. I don't care if wine comes in a bottle or box or merlot or blush, I love wine! When people ask me if I would like a glass of wine, I say yes please. Well after all I was raised with manners.
In the winter wine gets you through everything. It shows up with the family disfunction, it pairs with your cheese and crackers and candy canes.
In spring it pairs with your mulching your yard and at this point you don't need a mosquito net for your wine glass JUST YET! Summer is coming!!
In summer it pairs with any cup with a flower on the side of it. Do you ever go through stores like Bed bath and beyond or Walmart? All the cups have a flower on the side of them! So I feel like yes wine should be in a wine glass tumbler, or maybe perhaps a mason jar tea jar!
In fall it pairs with firepits and apples and insulated yeti cups. Did you know yeti cups keep wine cold? For that reason alone you should buy a Yeti. Be like my sisters, you powder coat them too! Don't just go half-ways. Own a $70 insulated wine glass/cup.
Well I have covered my entire year. Wine and me have been together for a long time. I want to tell you where we first met. I used to manage a weight loss company. Our Christmas party was a place in Omaha, Ne called Tasting Place. You got to try 3 or more white ones and red ones like wise and also what they paired with food wise. Well I had a few favorites after that. Before that I was a Budlight and Captain Morgan drink girl ONLY.
I went to a liquor store in Grand Island, NE called Liquor Mart and I told the man who said can I help you (even thought I was thinking that was a loaded question) that I had recently attended a wine tasting and I forgot the wines I liked. He says, what kind of beer do you like. I reply bud light. He says, okay then this is the wine you need. It was called Starling Riesling. It was a light colored wine with a castle in the back of the bottle. I decided it was destiny. I will get this. I mean I had all "green lights" That wine ROCKED!!!
I heard there was things called wine tastings.... who would NOT go to those? I certainly thought I should go. I went to one. I still go to them. Who wouldn't?
People ask my favorite wine. I will tell you my least classiest and highest classiest and way over my head classiest wines. Let's start from the bottom. BOXED WINE! More bang for the money. I love Classic Red. I always have 3 on stand by. Wine on a tap, who wouldn't ? I always think of wine in a box is like a adult capri sun Next would be my medium wines. I went to a winery in Florida I love/loved, called Lake ridge Winery & Vineyards they send me coupons online buy a case get one free. Who wouldn't? Their wine is AMAZING!! They had the best tour and wine I have came across in my super short years of being alive. Okay so for the expensive wine, I'm totally lying, I have drank some pricey wines. I never have had one that is like OMG lad, we need a 1806 bottle from France. If I ever talk like that slap me. Seriously. My favorite high dollar wine would be the Marilyn Monroe Collection from Napa Valley, CA. I have a full bottle with the cork in. If I could have a collection. This would be it! I have a empty bottle too and a cork. The cork has lip prints. Adorbs!
I think wine full fills another part of my life. When I say wine is the answer to everything, it is. You could, wish your coffee cup was full of wine, tilt your cup to the side. (I don't know where that coffee went) You refill with Merlot. (why not-it's a fruit, it's breakfast- so is coffee, it is the same thing). All of a sudden your like I can fight the HULK and talk anyone into buying what I'm selling. If your having a bad day, you fill your glass up with wine and say in a positive manner " My glass is more than full" It's a great day. The day goes on. Someone asked you your favorite color, you reply "merlot" they look at you sideways like a chicken on a 4-H day.
Happy Wine day! I think next year being a Friday it shall be more than fabulous............Can you imagine?
Love you!
xoooxoxoxox
Bambi
Monday, July 6, 2015
Blank Pages
I have not written a blog lately. I have no reason why I haven't. I just didn't have enough built up to just talk about I guess. My blog has always been a way for me to express myself, this has helped me get thru a lot of things actually that I have been through or felt. I haven't written since January! That is quite awhile.
I am a thinker. I over think and think ALOT. I am twisted in thinking I wish I could redo my life and I'm glad everything that has happened has happened. I'm sure most people do that. If the "crap" I have went thru didn't kill me and made me stronger and put me on the path on I'm on now. I should be just very thankful. I think there has to be a breaking point where you release and let go of the hurt and anger and past before you can move 100% forward. I think I have finally gotten to that point with several things that happened in my life. I think not letting go- harms your future thinking and actions and life.
I keep several quotes in my head that I think I think and look at often, that has really helped me. Don't let your praying knees go lazy and love like crazy. That is HUGE! God always commanded to love your neighbor as yourself. Treat others like you want treated. Forgive. People can say forgive, but not forgotten, that is where I have been. I need to forgive and let go. That is the most freeing feeling. Recently I wrote a 5 page letter to someone just being me and laying out my heart on the line. I never got a response and I don't know how to take that except God is working in my heart and I'm giving 100% and I have to accept the good, bad and ugly. I feel like sometimes the saying damned if you do, damned if you don't, is very legit. You can absolutely do anything in your power to be amazing and someone is always going to pick you apart and find fault. I know this is other people's issues, not mine. I am a fixer. I always want to fix and help anything I can so things are just GOOD! My trouble is the things that cannot be fixed, I want that so bad for not just me, just anything I feel passionate about and I get over-welmed on how to make that happen. I joke about wanting smiles and laughter and rainbows and unicorns and happiness. I really do though! ;) I love being HAPPY!
I am in a great spot now in my life. I love my job, I have a great boyfriend and I absolutely love my daughters to pieces. I have some great family and some terrific friends. It took me awhile to figure out myself and be accepted. I'm just too raw for people sometimes. I am too honest for people. People don't want the truth. They want everything sugar coated and I don't do that. I never have. I won't lie to make someone feel better. I stick up for what's right. If I'm wrong, I will admit that and move on. Some people I have found are just dwellers. You run across people who this or that happened to and they just never can get over it. I never want to be like that. Each day is a new day, each day is a gift, that is why they call it the PRESENT. Each day is a present to be alive!
I think I know what I would make my super power to be. It would be to make everyone innocent like a baby and just trust and be loving and laugh easily. It's funny to me how dogs no matter what, they are loyal and love you. As silly as it sounds I wish humans were more like that. Dogs require food and shelter and a bit of extras but not like humans. Humans need soooooooooo much, it's exhausting how to read them sometimes. A dog can squat and pee on the couch and get a newspaper to the butt and know "don't do that" 5 minutes later they are by you panting and in your face and they still love you. Sometimes I really think dogs are smarter than humans and that is why God only lets dogs live so long so you can learn multiple lessons from the dogs. They let you know life is good, run around, be happy, there is nothing that bad that won't go away minutes later. Of course all things are not that simple, but quite a few things are in fact.
I pray for a lot of people. I have some people I pray for their health, I pray for some for them to find peace in their heart and soul so they can live out their life a different way. I pray for the ones who have lost loved ones that meant so much to them. I pray for people that have new babies, for people who want a wife/husband and can't find them. I wish the best for everyone.
My blank pages have been filled with just randomness. I have a lot of thoughts I don't know quite how to put on paper. I just want the best for everyone always. My heart is full ...........
I am a thinker. I over think and think ALOT. I am twisted in thinking I wish I could redo my life and I'm glad everything that has happened has happened. I'm sure most people do that. If the "crap" I have went thru didn't kill me and made me stronger and put me on the path on I'm on now. I should be just very thankful. I think there has to be a breaking point where you release and let go of the hurt and anger and past before you can move 100% forward. I think I have finally gotten to that point with several things that happened in my life. I think not letting go- harms your future thinking and actions and life.
I keep several quotes in my head that I think I think and look at often, that has really helped me. Don't let your praying knees go lazy and love like crazy. That is HUGE! God always commanded to love your neighbor as yourself. Treat others like you want treated. Forgive. People can say forgive, but not forgotten, that is where I have been. I need to forgive and let go. That is the most freeing feeling. Recently I wrote a 5 page letter to someone just being me and laying out my heart on the line. I never got a response and I don't know how to take that except God is working in my heart and I'm giving 100% and I have to accept the good, bad and ugly. I feel like sometimes the saying damned if you do, damned if you don't, is very legit. You can absolutely do anything in your power to be amazing and someone is always going to pick you apart and find fault. I know this is other people's issues, not mine. I am a fixer. I always want to fix and help anything I can so things are just GOOD! My trouble is the things that cannot be fixed, I want that so bad for not just me, just anything I feel passionate about and I get over-welmed on how to make that happen. I joke about wanting smiles and laughter and rainbows and unicorns and happiness. I really do though! ;) I love being HAPPY!
I am in a great spot now in my life. I love my job, I have a great boyfriend and I absolutely love my daughters to pieces. I have some great family and some terrific friends. It took me awhile to figure out myself and be accepted. I'm just too raw for people sometimes. I am too honest for people. People don't want the truth. They want everything sugar coated and I don't do that. I never have. I won't lie to make someone feel better. I stick up for what's right. If I'm wrong, I will admit that and move on. Some people I have found are just dwellers. You run across people who this or that happened to and they just never can get over it. I never want to be like that. Each day is a new day, each day is a gift, that is why they call it the PRESENT. Each day is a present to be alive!
I think I know what I would make my super power to be. It would be to make everyone innocent like a baby and just trust and be loving and laugh easily. It's funny to me how dogs no matter what, they are loyal and love you. As silly as it sounds I wish humans were more like that. Dogs require food and shelter and a bit of extras but not like humans. Humans need soooooooooo much, it's exhausting how to read them sometimes. A dog can squat and pee on the couch and get a newspaper to the butt and know "don't do that" 5 minutes later they are by you panting and in your face and they still love you. Sometimes I really think dogs are smarter than humans and that is why God only lets dogs live so long so you can learn multiple lessons from the dogs. They let you know life is good, run around, be happy, there is nothing that bad that won't go away minutes later. Of course all things are not that simple, but quite a few things are in fact.
I pray for a lot of people. I have some people I pray for their health, I pray for some for them to find peace in their heart and soul so they can live out their life a different way. I pray for the ones who have lost loved ones that meant so much to them. I pray for people that have new babies, for people who want a wife/husband and can't find them. I wish the best for everyone.
My blank pages have been filled with just randomness. I have a lot of thoughts I don't know quite how to put on paper. I just want the best for everyone always. My heart is full ...........
Tuesday, November 25, 2014
Love and Belief
I haven't written a blog in a while. I don't know why for sure. Tonight I took a long bubble bath with wine and then felt like just writing.
I often wonder why people hold back and don't follow their dreams. Why do people procrastinate and not just do what they truly want in their heart?
They always say every day is a gift because it is the PRESENT. A Present. Each and every day you have the option to make it amazing or make it crap. Why on earth would you pick the second option? I fully love people who follow their dreams and make things happen despite what anyone else thinks or says.
I think if you have love and belief you can get through anything and you can do anything you want. That support is there and that can make or break you.
I totally get how people can grow up and things happen and that "hinders them". I have been there and done that. I have also continued to grow and just have the attitude. SO WHAT??? What don't kill you makes you stronger! Live as though each day is your last. Your past does not have anything to do with your present or future unless you let it. The only thing your past should have on you is your learning experience You should learn from your mistakes. Chalk up the bad, move forward. You never can go back in time.
There is many avenues I have seen where people hold back. Obviously because of my profession, I see one on a daily basis that ties in really with two subjects. Weight Loss and Dating. Thousands of people comment on our face book page and inquire and they want to lose weight but they don't want to do the work. So simple!!! It just baffles me especially people with health conditions already. The world is such a sick place with processed food. That is a whole entire new blog. Dating ties in because everyone wants to be on top of their game with looks and such. The only person who stands in their way is themselves. Truly. It's plain and simple. If you want someone or something go after it! If you give 0%, your getting 0%.
Another area I see people hating their careers, they want better for themselves and their family and just stay because it is "easy". Push yourself. Apply. Go big or go home. I have ONLY a high school graduate degree and have managed a successful and award winning weight loss center, been on top of sales charts--- because I believed in myself and believed in my clients and made it amazing!!! I have been in sales since age 18. Some talents can't be taught. If your amazing.....your amazing!!!! If you don't have the support system, fake it til you make it. If you want to go to college and haven't. Apply for a grant, your never too old to make your dreams come true.
I believe in positivity. I believe in being happy. I believe unicorns should fly among rainbows and all people should be smiling and singing along to their country music with a whiskey and water in hand or perhaps a glass of wine.
Thanks to the people who loved and believed in me. That means a lot. That is my backbone and support. I love you all for being the people you are that make a mark in my life. Small gestures are never gone un-noticed. May God bless you always.
I often wonder why people hold back and don't follow their dreams. Why do people procrastinate and not just do what they truly want in their heart?
They always say every day is a gift because it is the PRESENT. A Present. Each and every day you have the option to make it amazing or make it crap. Why on earth would you pick the second option? I fully love people who follow their dreams and make things happen despite what anyone else thinks or says.
I think if you have love and belief you can get through anything and you can do anything you want. That support is there and that can make or break you.
I totally get how people can grow up and things happen and that "hinders them". I have been there and done that. I have also continued to grow and just have the attitude. SO WHAT??? What don't kill you makes you stronger! Live as though each day is your last. Your past does not have anything to do with your present or future unless you let it. The only thing your past should have on you is your learning experience You should learn from your mistakes. Chalk up the bad, move forward. You never can go back in time.
There is many avenues I have seen where people hold back. Obviously because of my profession, I see one on a daily basis that ties in really with two subjects. Weight Loss and Dating. Thousands of people comment on our face book page and inquire and they want to lose weight but they don't want to do the work. So simple!!! It just baffles me especially people with health conditions already. The world is such a sick place with processed food. That is a whole entire new blog. Dating ties in because everyone wants to be on top of their game with looks and such. The only person who stands in their way is themselves. Truly. It's plain and simple. If you want someone or something go after it! If you give 0%, your getting 0%.
Another area I see people hating their careers, they want better for themselves and their family and just stay because it is "easy". Push yourself. Apply. Go big or go home. I have ONLY a high school graduate degree and have managed a successful and award winning weight loss center, been on top of sales charts--- because I believed in myself and believed in my clients and made it amazing!!! I have been in sales since age 18. Some talents can't be taught. If your amazing.....your amazing!!!! If you don't have the support system, fake it til you make it. If you want to go to college and haven't. Apply for a grant, your never too old to make your dreams come true.
I believe in positivity. I believe in being happy. I believe unicorns should fly among rainbows and all people should be smiling and singing along to their country music with a whiskey and water in hand or perhaps a glass of wine.
Thanks to the people who loved and believed in me. That means a lot. That is my backbone and support. I love you all for being the people you are that make a mark in my life. Small gestures are never gone un-noticed. May God bless you always.
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
If I die young...
Nobody likes to think about death. I'm totally open to meeting my maker and Lord. I thought today I should definitely write a blog about what if I did die. Is there things I want to happen? Yes!
Here is my songs I would like:
I am Jesus Little Lamb
Amazing Grace
How great thou art by Vince Gill & Carrie Underwood
I can only imagine by Mercy Me
I would love people to sign and write a personal message on my casket
I don't want buried with my wedding ring, I want my daughters to have it. I want a piece of yarn tied around that ring. A promise never ends.
I would love double colored roses, red and yellow. Just like the ones I got on Valentines Day. Red and Yellow roses stand for love and friendship. I feel like this is what I'm about.
I want my bucket list shared of all the things I got accomplished. This is located on my blog.
I want the poem THE DASH by Linda Ellis on the back of my program and on the back of our/my stone.
I want my stone to have two angels with the center being a heart.
Here is my songs I would like:
I am Jesus Little Lamb
Amazing Grace
How great thou art by Vince Gill & Carrie Underwood
I can only imagine by Mercy Me
I would love people to sign and write a personal message on my casket
I don't want buried with my wedding ring, I want my daughters to have it. I want a piece of yarn tied around that ring. A promise never ends.
I would love double colored roses, red and yellow. Just like the ones I got on Valentines Day. Red and Yellow roses stand for love and friendship. I feel like this is what I'm about.
I want my bucket list shared of all the things I got accomplished. This is located on my blog.
I want the poem THE DASH by Linda Ellis on the back of my program and on the back of our/my stone.
I want my stone to have two angels with the center being a heart.
Monday, March 17, 2014
True love
August 31, 2013. In walks a smiley guy who orders an Ultra beer at the bar I bartend. Several months pass, I find out this guy is Jeff, the wonderful man I have been dating officially since December 9th, 2013. He has always smiled and been happy and inspirational and creative and such a blessing in my daughters and my life.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cHH-i38iprg I love you this big by Scotty McCreery. I think he absolutely wrote this song from my heart to describe my feelings for Jeff.
We have had so many firsts together and talks of life long dreams and hopes. I couldn't imagine anyone else that completes me like he has. Our hands fit together just perfect. Our kiss is completely perfect. I still have butterflies when I get to see him and I never thought I would find that in my entire life. I always thought those feelings were only in the movies, I gave up actually and just decided I was going to be alone forever. I have always had on my bucket list, marry my soul mate. I think we definitely are that. We never have to say a word and we just love each other completely.
Jeff has my heart completely. I never have laughed so much or loved someone so much. I now own pink camo and find myself looking at that and always planning things with him all the time and all summer and letting my hair down. I noticed the other day, I'm not so crazy to make sure the house is completely spotless and I get so excited to see him that I just relax. He loves me the way I am. I love all the little things he does with me and for the girls and I.
I love going out driving the country with him, or watching TV with him or movies or making supper with him, just everything. Even playing ball with his dogs and him just makes me smile.
I think before everyone hindered my personality which is a positive, fun, outgoing, loving life, family oriented person and never just accepted me the way I was and loved those things about me and wanted to be with me for those reasons. I feel so loved now and valued as a person and I'm so grateful for that. Our three month anniversary was March 9th, 2013. I was going to write a blog that day about us or him that day, but then I didn't want to be so traditional and wanted to write a blog from the bottom of my heart.
I don't have the perfect words to say sometimes. I just have this overwhelming feeling to start writing a blog and today I wanted it about him. Your days are always counted. I heard a song today from a friends funeral. It just really makes you think how precious life is and how short it can be, no certainties ever. Seems like a lot of young people have died lately and it's so unexpected. I never want a day to go by that anyone in my life ever had to question how much I loved them or how special they were/are to me.
I'm super mushy, true. I love with my entire heart and I'm glad I have someone that loves me back the same way. Thank you Jeff for loving me and my daughters and being you. I will love you now, and forever. You had me at hello.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cHH-i38iprg I love you this big by Scotty McCreery. I think he absolutely wrote this song from my heart to describe my feelings for Jeff.
We have had so many firsts together and talks of life long dreams and hopes. I couldn't imagine anyone else that completes me like he has. Our hands fit together just perfect. Our kiss is completely perfect. I still have butterflies when I get to see him and I never thought I would find that in my entire life. I always thought those feelings were only in the movies, I gave up actually and just decided I was going to be alone forever. I have always had on my bucket list, marry my soul mate. I think we definitely are that. We never have to say a word and we just love each other completely.
Jeff has my heart completely. I never have laughed so much or loved someone so much. I now own pink camo and find myself looking at that and always planning things with him all the time and all summer and letting my hair down. I noticed the other day, I'm not so crazy to make sure the house is completely spotless and I get so excited to see him that I just relax. He loves me the way I am. I love all the little things he does with me and for the girls and I.
I love going out driving the country with him, or watching TV with him or movies or making supper with him, just everything. Even playing ball with his dogs and him just makes me smile.
I think before everyone hindered my personality which is a positive, fun, outgoing, loving life, family oriented person and never just accepted me the way I was and loved those things about me and wanted to be with me for those reasons. I feel so loved now and valued as a person and I'm so grateful for that. Our three month anniversary was March 9th, 2013. I was going to write a blog that day about us or him that day, but then I didn't want to be so traditional and wanted to write a blog from the bottom of my heart.
I don't have the perfect words to say sometimes. I just have this overwhelming feeling to start writing a blog and today I wanted it about him. Your days are always counted. I heard a song today from a friends funeral. It just really makes you think how precious life is and how short it can be, no certainties ever. Seems like a lot of young people have died lately and it's so unexpected. I never want a day to go by that anyone in my life ever had to question how much I loved them or how special they were/are to me.
I'm super mushy, true. I love with my entire heart and I'm glad I have someone that loves me back the same way. Thank you Jeff for loving me and my daughters and being you. I will love you now, and forever. You had me at hello.....
Thursday, January 2, 2014
WHAT IS LOVE?
I posted today on facebook asking what people thought of this subject: What is LOVE? I had a lot of people send me private messages saying this is a hard question to answer. I had some people answer the question with answers that I have thought myself.
I love the bible verse: 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
I know what love is not: it is not hurtful, it is not controlling, it is not violent, it's not manipulating, it is not lust. Love is a feeling you cannot explain in words. It's a magic that you can feel. It's that feeling of always wanting the best for another person wither it be your family, friends or significant other and you just can't make it go away even if you tried. Have you ever had an experience where you felt like a person had made a bad decision and you iqnored them and no matter what everything you did and seen made you think of that person? There is a reason....unconditional love.
I will fully without a doubt admit I have made some poor choices in life and very poor choices, ones to which I thought never me nor anyone else could forgive. God did. I think so many times I have prayed about the same subjects and forgiveness that God should just move onto someone else. I should be out of "Bambi it is okay, I forgive you's". I know I am forgiven.
I have reflected about my life so much in the past 2 years and especially past 6 months. I have pushed myself into working so much and never being alone so I do not have time to deep think by myself. I deep down am a person who cares and loves people and the world and never would want to purposely infect pain or hurt on anyone. I, at times have cared so much about other people I shouldn't, even more than myself or what is right, that I had lost some of my family at one point. When you lose the people you care most about, your life stops and you just think and analyze. Unconditional love never goes away. Ever.
When you are all alone at night and day and inside your own head, you get it figured out. You know the best thing is to love others, even though they have hurt you. You need to be an image of God in that aspect. Love others like you want loved back.
I know I have helped others through troubles they have went through. My biggest obstacle in my life was myself. Knowing that has helped me help others, without a doubt. It was because I never loved myself enough or maybe at times at all. Then....I finally got it! The saying if you can't love yourself, you can't love anyone else. That is very much true. When you finally love yourself. Your world changes. When you love yourself, when you value yourself. When you love your imperfections and the good and your willing to be open and honest and say "Here I am world". This is me, take me or leave me. I'm totally fine with either. Your ready to love.
I love the world. I love the people in it. I feel like I will always be a positive motivating person that will always think of the glass mostly full. I absolutely want to be a great mother and friend, daughter, sister, and wife someday.
I am very thankful for the people who believed in me and loved me so much.
Katelin, my baby sister and I have been inseperable since she was born. That is a bond I will always treasure. I know at times I have done many things for her and thought of her more than myself that thinking back now almost brings tears to my eyes. There was a huge time in her life, I wasn't there for her, like I wanted. She in a way feels like a daughter of mine. I have so many great and wonderful memories of her and I. They will continue forever. You never can take away that bond, no matter what.
I love my sisters, Katelin and Miranda and Amy and my brother Brandon. We all have been through good and bad times to create who we are as adults today. That will always remain. My heart is full of love for all of them, that will always be. Nothing will ever change that.
I have so many great friends, I do not even want to name them specifically because I know myself and I will leave out a name and seriously I have so many great friends that have been there for me in one way or another and I just will always treasure all my friendships til the day I die.
I know my parents went through a bad divorce. No matter what you have unconditional love for both your parents. Both of my parents have been there for me at different times in my life. I will never pick. I love them both.
I have grandparents in heaven who I admired so much. So much! I loved them all and learned so much about how to treat others and how to love others and how to live life. Wearing a smile. You never have to act older, you live out each day as much as you can to show love to others, those memories I will never forget. Ever.
I have aunts and uncles and cousins and Jerrod's (girls dad) Grandmother who is like my own. A huge family in one way or another. You don't have to be blood to be family. You just need love.
I have great coworkers at my jobs I have. I have absolute positive people in my life that makes me feel so blessed and lucky each and every day. Every word of encouragement and every smile and laugh means so much to me.
I have the most amazing man in my life, Jeff. I finally listened to people time and time again do not look for love, it will find you. I absolutely love Jeff. He is genuine and sweet and loves life and has a smile on his face at all times. Loves me with makeup or not. Laughs and holds me tight. Listens and cuddles. He has a great outlook on life and a huge heart. I honestly say this with this with the most sincerity, I never could imagine my life without him by my side.
My children, wow. Such a love. Never a word. I never realized how much you could possibly love a human being til I held those precious angels in my arms. I have several songs dedicated to them. I melt when they do so many sweet and thoughtful things. I know now how fast of a temper I have when someone mess's with my children, I can get fired up in a 1.2 second. I guard them and their hearts so much. I will always put them before myself. Always. Their innocence and love is the most amazing thing I have ever witnessed.
Love is a word that can be said or felt, it can be so different to many people. I know what it means to me. I choose to love through out my life. I always want to do the right thing and say things to people that need to hear them. I want others to know they matter and they are important. I caught some flack when I said this saying before, but honestly I don't care. I feel this way. I will live as though each day as though it's my last. I never want to go to bed without saying what I want off my chest. I want to know nobody will ever doubt how I feel about them.
To all of the people who have made such am impact in my life. I LOVE YOU! You know how you are.
Love Always,
Bambi
I love the bible verse: 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
I know what love is not: it is not hurtful, it is not controlling, it is not violent, it's not manipulating, it is not lust. Love is a feeling you cannot explain in words. It's a magic that you can feel. It's that feeling of always wanting the best for another person wither it be your family, friends or significant other and you just can't make it go away even if you tried. Have you ever had an experience where you felt like a person had made a bad decision and you iqnored them and no matter what everything you did and seen made you think of that person? There is a reason....unconditional love.
I will fully without a doubt admit I have made some poor choices in life and very poor choices, ones to which I thought never me nor anyone else could forgive. God did. I think so many times I have prayed about the same subjects and forgiveness that God should just move onto someone else. I should be out of "Bambi it is okay, I forgive you's". I know I am forgiven.
I have reflected about my life so much in the past 2 years and especially past 6 months. I have pushed myself into working so much and never being alone so I do not have time to deep think by myself. I deep down am a person who cares and loves people and the world and never would want to purposely infect pain or hurt on anyone. I, at times have cared so much about other people I shouldn't, even more than myself or what is right, that I had lost some of my family at one point. When you lose the people you care most about, your life stops and you just think and analyze. Unconditional love never goes away. Ever.
When you are all alone at night and day and inside your own head, you get it figured out. You know the best thing is to love others, even though they have hurt you. You need to be an image of God in that aspect. Love others like you want loved back.
I know I have helped others through troubles they have went through. My biggest obstacle in my life was myself. Knowing that has helped me help others, without a doubt. It was because I never loved myself enough or maybe at times at all. Then....I finally got it! The saying if you can't love yourself, you can't love anyone else. That is very much true. When you finally love yourself. Your world changes. When you love yourself, when you value yourself. When you love your imperfections and the good and your willing to be open and honest and say "Here I am world". This is me, take me or leave me. I'm totally fine with either. Your ready to love.
I love the world. I love the people in it. I feel like I will always be a positive motivating person that will always think of the glass mostly full. I absolutely want to be a great mother and friend, daughter, sister, and wife someday.
I am very thankful for the people who believed in me and loved me so much.
Katelin, my baby sister and I have been inseperable since she was born. That is a bond I will always treasure. I know at times I have done many things for her and thought of her more than myself that thinking back now almost brings tears to my eyes. There was a huge time in her life, I wasn't there for her, like I wanted. She in a way feels like a daughter of mine. I have so many great and wonderful memories of her and I. They will continue forever. You never can take away that bond, no matter what.
I love my sisters, Katelin and Miranda and Amy and my brother Brandon. We all have been through good and bad times to create who we are as adults today. That will always remain. My heart is full of love for all of them, that will always be. Nothing will ever change that.
I have so many great friends, I do not even want to name them specifically because I know myself and I will leave out a name and seriously I have so many great friends that have been there for me in one way or another and I just will always treasure all my friendships til the day I die.
I know my parents went through a bad divorce. No matter what you have unconditional love for both your parents. Both of my parents have been there for me at different times in my life. I will never pick. I love them both.
I have grandparents in heaven who I admired so much. So much! I loved them all and learned so much about how to treat others and how to love others and how to live life. Wearing a smile. You never have to act older, you live out each day as much as you can to show love to others, those memories I will never forget. Ever.
I have aunts and uncles and cousins and Jerrod's (girls dad) Grandmother who is like my own. A huge family in one way or another. You don't have to be blood to be family. You just need love.
I have great coworkers at my jobs I have. I have absolute positive people in my life that makes me feel so blessed and lucky each and every day. Every word of encouragement and every smile and laugh means so much to me.
I have the most amazing man in my life, Jeff. I finally listened to people time and time again do not look for love, it will find you. I absolutely love Jeff. He is genuine and sweet and loves life and has a smile on his face at all times. Loves me with makeup or not. Laughs and holds me tight. Listens and cuddles. He has a great outlook on life and a huge heart. I honestly say this with this with the most sincerity, I never could imagine my life without him by my side.
My children, wow. Such a love. Never a word. I never realized how much you could possibly love a human being til I held those precious angels in my arms. I have several songs dedicated to them. I melt when they do so many sweet and thoughtful things. I know now how fast of a temper I have when someone mess's with my children, I can get fired up in a 1.2 second. I guard them and their hearts so much. I will always put them before myself. Always. Their innocence and love is the most amazing thing I have ever witnessed.
Love is a word that can be said or felt, it can be so different to many people. I know what it means to me. I choose to love through out my life. I always want to do the right thing and say things to people that need to hear them. I want others to know they matter and they are important. I caught some flack when I said this saying before, but honestly I don't care. I feel this way. I will live as though each day as though it's my last. I never want to go to bed without saying what I want off my chest. I want to know nobody will ever doubt how I feel about them.
To all of the people who have made such am impact in my life. I LOVE YOU! You know how you are.
Love Always,
Bambi
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