I found this paper I wrote yesterday. It was one I wrote about my Grandma Junge titled. THE SECOND CHRISTMAS. Tears filled my brims of my eyes as I reread it. Not a day goes by I don't think of my Grandma. I had a dream last night that when she passed away. I had climbed into her bed with her n held her hand until her last breathe. That is what I really wanted to do. I wanted to stay there. I wanted to tell her every single thing I was ever greatful for. Grandma would always smile ear to ear when she talked about our trip to Illinois we wish we were always back there.. In Il. We house sat my aunts house while she visited my cousin Debbie. We did everything. Went to the sears tower. Visited natural museum of history. Went to the zoos. Ate at a place that had ice cream in a miniature sink. Visited my aunt n uncle Ron and Janice. Me n. My grandma had one of our funniest moments that made any talk of donuts become talk of the trip of Il. We discovered Dunkin Donuts. Our biggest weakness ever besides chocolate was donuts. We may have gotten carried away. We ordered 32. We had a three hour drive. We ate them all. First thing aunt Janice asks us do u want a donut with milk? We felt sick! ;) My Grandma and I ate chocolate cereal everyday. Which ironically was one of the only things I craved when I was pregnant. I had painted rocks and tried selling them. I made some friends while there. One had a swimming pool! So I played in the pool so many days. Grandma and I always said we had the best month of our lives!. Anytime she would get frustrated she would say we should have stayed in chicago. We had so much fun. We did. I always agreed. We rode the amtrack out there and back. We played games. Drank juice boxes. We both gained five lbs when we came home. Best memories der. Fast forward now to my second christmas without my Grandma. This is what I wrote....
Does it really get easier... I wonder to myself? Its hard to christmas shop when every year for as long as you remember. You always got your grandma something special. Its hard to walk past all the huge boxes of chocolates...all the birdhouse items..all the fuzzy pink clothing she would have liked.. and not putting in in the cart and being excited about seeing her face as she opened them all excited. To see her face...was the best gift. It was always the best gift of the year to see my grandma peel off the carefully picked angel wrapping paper n see her huge smile from ear to ear. Chocolates? ? She would say. She would tear off the clear sheet wrapping her chocolates. Tear off the lid. Now u guys better help me eat these. Before I eat them all. She would pop one in her mouth n pass around the chocolates. Chocolate would be gathering in the corner of her mouth. She would say thanks Bambi. U know my weakness. My favorite thing always. She was always so thankful. Those were the best days and years with my grandma. I knew my grandmother was getting bad the year she died. I went to.visit her in lincoln while she was in the hospital. She looked ok but not perfect. I thought there is hope. This is not as bad as people say. I still just in case... wanted to give her the gift I found for her that was perfect. It was a pink angel that said #1 grandma. She loved it. She sat it right by her water cup. Same day I told her I was pregnant. I wanted so bad to tell her if I had a girl I would name it after her. I just wanted to surprise her when the baby was born. I couldn't wait to take pictures of them together. Wishful thinking weeks later I got the worst call ever at work. Bambi. U need to come. She isn't gonna last much longer. I cried all the way from grand island to york n I said several prayers. No not now. Just wait. U can't leave me. Im not ready.... I get to where she was all the family was standing around her. I can't even describe the shock and sadness when I looked at my beautiful grandma laying there eyes closed... and I gasped and cried. Everyone turned and looked at me and my brother gave me the biggest hug ever and started crying when he seen me cry. The life slowly draining out of her. The hospice lady said say your goodbyes. She can hear you and she is holding on until you say it is ok to let her go. Hymns were playing on a tape recorder and my pink angel was by her bedside. My tears never stopped. All the memories of us playing in her barn. All the holidays. Chicago. Her blending our ice cream smooth. Me n her washing dishes or us looking at pictures. Memories flashed thru me. It was true. I began getting angry at god. Why did he have to take her now? I was only two months pregnant. I whispered to my grandma thanks for loving me with all your heart. U will never know how much I love u. And grandma if I have a girl I will name her after you. Love u so much. I went home. Never slept. My dad called me the next day crying saying god took her. 4 months later I find out im having twins. I was craving chocolate entire time and in a way felt like my grandma was there with me. Now I have my own little angels Laura and Grace. I realized the 2nd christmas my grandma gave me the best present of all... memories and love from my #1 grandma. Always there wrapped up forever in my heart. RIP LAURA I. A. JUNGE
