Sometimes people put up walls, not to keep others out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.

This past week is alot of realizations with my life. Life can be so crazy sometimes when you battle inside your own head and try to figure out what to do in certain situations and how to respond or who to trust, where to manage your time.

I often say I CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY or I CHOOSE TO LOVE. So true about me! I feel like I have broken out of my shell and am finally the person I have always wanted to be. I feel like I can say what I want and be happy, smile, show my love to all the people I want to. I feel like I can dance crazy in my living room with my daughters and just laugh uncontrollably.

All walls are done. The only way to love or let someone love you back completely is to have all your walls done. I tell people this all the time and now I'm living my life this way.

If it hurts, it's okay to cry. If you have a concern, it should be voiced. If your mad, don't go to bed that way-work it out. If you are thankful, say "thank you". If you love someone, show them with big and small things. When you hug, make it warm and both arms. LIVE EACH DAY AS THOUGH IT'S YOUR LAST. You can never undo your past, but you can make sure each day counts.












Love this quote:
If I could be any part of you, I’d be your tears. To be conceived in your heart, born in your eyes, live on your cheeks, and die on your lips. - Unknown

All my heart, All my life....

Signs of fall are surrounding me. I like the tad bit of the cool air and being able to leave the windows open and smell the crispness of the air. My scentsy is burning apple smells which make me think of caramel apple time.
I rememeber last year we took Laura n Grace to the pumpkin farm and that is the talk of the house on and off. We went to a pumpkin patch by St. Libory. Was a good time. This year we want to go to the big pumpkin farm over by Omaha.

Today Im off work and woke up to my diva girls climbing in bed with me giggling. These are the moments I live for. Nothing sounds better than the words.. Mommy I love you. These are the words no matter how bad I feel or how happy I already am, the words echo through my mind. Gods wonderful creations he blessed me with, my beautiful daughters.

Seems like lately everything has been finally falling into place. Old chapters have closed. New books have been opened. Sometimes I think a person prays and wants their life to go a certain way and it doesnt. You feel like God abandons you. But I think its like the Garth Brooks song..unanswered prayers. Truly. I finally met and been hanging out with someone completely amazing. Someone who cares about me and my girls. Who laughs. Would help anyone who is in need. Who when they look at you, they can see their feelings and thoughts. Someone who is open with their feelings and loves with their deepest part of their heart. We both have so much in common and each others weaknesses are the other persons strengths. I think both if us are at a point in our lives where we both know Life is a gift. Happiness is from within. If you got happiness and joy within yourself and give 100% to be happy... your life can be more than amazing. I thank God for working in mysterious ways. I know there is always a plan. Im thankful God is the captain of my ship.

TODAY IM THANKFUL FOR THE ABUNDANCE OF BLESSINGS IN MY LIFE.

“Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same.”

I found my best friend/soulmate female version of me. Her name is MEGAN KUSH. There is not a single other person in the world quite like her. I feel like we can tell each other any single thing and be okay with it. She knows more about me than any other person. When I can answer the phone and hear her voice, I know her mood right away, when she speaks and her voice is strained, I know she had tears previous to the phone call. I know if I don't even get out a hello, she is busting at the seems to tell me something.

The laughter, tears, talks, walks, dancing, dinners we have shared are amazing. This woman can make me feel at ease and laugh and just let me be myself. We can be open with each other. We can talk about our fears, our sorrows, our happiness and the other person will mirror the emotions.

It's a rare find to have someone you can call your true best friend. I have that. A rare diamond in the mine. There is nothing I would not do for her, and she feels the same about me.

We got matching tattoos a year ago, we got lady bugs on our foot. Best day ever. We both love lady bugs, they are super cute. We talked about getting another one, Do not know what we will get yet, but it will have true meaning and be amazing. That is how much we love each other. A friend like this will never depart. I love Megan Kush with all my heart. :-)

I don't know what I forsee in my future, but I do know I will have Megan in my corner in the fight of life. We will be great and amazing and there for each other. You can never put a price tag on that. Priceless.

I love you Megan!!!

I'm already rich, Someday I will have money :-)

Some may say that being rich you can buy cars and items, even happiness. I feel I'm rich, but in the aspect that I am rich with a great family that I love with all my heart.

I did have a crazy childhood growing up at times, but there was always lots of laughter. I have reflected most recently on my family and always thought of the bad things that happened to me as a child and teenager even up til recently. I wanted to remember what the good stuff was. I looked through my photo albums and laughed alot on silly pictures, holidays, our animals and events.

I have a half sister and two full sisters and a brother. I also have two step brothers. I'm the 2nd oldest. My parents divorced in 1998. My mom never remarried and my dad remarried Jamie.

My half sister Amy lives in PA. She is three years older than me. She has two children and a husband. I have not seen her forever. I love her ambition that she went to college and she is soooooo good with my favorite type of stuff, home decorating. I have seen before and after pictures that make me so proud. This sister had a tough upbringing and I think Amy took this to her advantage. Her and her husband are so cute and loving towards each other, I admire this and am so happy for her. I love getting messages from her when she is thinking of me. I hope she always knows how much I do care about her.

Next oldest sister is Miranda. Her birthday is in 2 days and she is 29 and 3 years younger than me. She has two boys, that are adorable! She has a super sweet boyfriend named Brad and three dogs. I would say out of all of us kids, we probally were the furthest apart, I don't know why for sure, if it was us being too alike at times or too close in age. I can't ever pinpoint it. But Miranda is absolutly one of the funniest people I know in the world. She is beautiful. Long eyelashes. She has crocodile tears that makes a person instantly cry if she ever does. She loves to be crazy and really doesn't care what people think. I took time yesturday/last night to hang out with her and her friends and boyfriend. Had one of the best times ever with her. She is a awesome cook and so creative and artsy. I hope and know from now on we will be closer.

Brandon is my baby brother. He has a pretty girlfriend Jill and 3 kids, two girls and a boy. He lives in York in a nice house. I felt like alot of the time I was his protector in some ways. I love making him laugh. Like Miranda, Brandon is super funny and his laugh is super contagious. I always loved how we would play cars and how when we lived out at the farm, he would use his stick and have all this car noises he would make... and Ace Ventura lines rehearsed and used frequently. Like ALLRIGHTY THEN... Brandon has the most beautiful eyes ever. He has a kind heart and hates drama.

Katelin is the baby sister, she is ten years younger than me. She has a nice boyfriend named Dustan who is actually one of my best guy friends. I thought two years ago they would be good together, so warms my heart that they are together. Dustan is so sweet to my sister and that is just what I want for her. Katelin is amazing, she graduated hair college and is now in dental assisting classes. She will have two degrees which is awesome. So proud of the lady she has become. I would say Katelin & I have been the closest of the siblings. I remember when she was a baby, she was mine. I did her hair, had her pose for pictures. As she grew up, I did her hair and makeup for prom and still had her pose for pictures. When they say beauty is only skin deep, She is beautiful inside and out.

My two step brothers, Zack & Donnie are great guys. I have not seen Zack for awhile, but I have him on facebook and his smile is AMAZING! I remember when he was little he had the best smile. Smiles are the way to the soul. That is a person when he smiles, you have to smile too, because it is so contagious. Donnie is married to Victoria and they have the cutest baby ever, Jade. SO BEAUTIFUL! I love holding her and seeing her smile. Donnie is in the marines. and stationed out of Nebraska most recently. I'm so proud of Him. Donnie is a really good looking guy and takes care of his family.

My mommy is Darlene. She loves cat things. She makes the best potato salad in the entire world. She loves laughing, just like me. I always have fun with her. She is the most random person ever, one minute she will be sleeping, next minute she is wanting to watch karoeke. That really surprized me. I never have went with her yet, but we will. My mom drinks iced tea so much that her lid could be someone's teabag. It's so weird the ice tea film that gets on her lid and she swears the tea don't taste as good with a clean lid. This is true. :-) My mom always helps me out with the girls. She gets them clothes and toys and hair items. I don't think my mom knows how much I love her and appreciate all the "little things" she does, that sometimes I'm sure I don't even say thanks. But MOM... I LOVE YOU AND AM SO THANKFUL FOR YOUR LOVE.

My daddy is Albert. My dad loves cars and trucks and machinery. He is so smart with numbers and machines and engines and construction wither it be housing or road or autos. I think it's so awesome. I know he saved alot of money throughout the years from all his knowledge. I love that about my dad. I also know just from looking at my dad's beautiful green eyes, his mood. When they glow almost neon green, that means run away. I might have remembered that as a teenager. LOL. My dad knows my heart, most recently brought me my most favorite things, pistachios and starbucks drinks. I love my dad and his hugs.

Jamie is my stepmother. She has three sons. One passed away in a sad car accident. I love that Jamie loves my dad and shoes it always. Jamie likes to have fast cars and loves having nice cars. I love having a wonderful mother but it makes it
Nice to have another person in my life I can talk to and depend on. Jamie loves to laugh and tell jokes. She loves her grand babies.

I could go on and on and write all day, but that is about my richness in my life. My family is my heart. I love all of them with every ounce of my soul. No matter what bad has ever happened, it's past stuff. I will never think about it anymore or look back on the bad memories. I'm going to remember the good and go forward being the sister and daughter God wants me to be. I want to be there for them. I want them to remember me in life as their rock and friend and great memories.

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.

Eleven Hints for Life

I seen this online and love it!


1. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return.
But what is more painful is to love someone and never
find the courage to let that person know how you feel.

2. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who
means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was
never meant to be and you just have to let go.

3. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a
porch swing with, never say a word, and then walk away
feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

4. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose
it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been
missing until it arrives.

5. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an
hour to like someone, and a day to love someone-but it
takes a lifetime to forget someone.

6. Don't go for looks, they can deceive. Don't go for wealth,
even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you
smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day
seem bright.

7. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go,
be what you want to be. Because you have only one life and
one chance to do all the things you want to do.

8. Always put yourself in the other's shoes. If you feel that it
hurts you, it probably hurts the person too.

9. A careless word may kindle strife. A cruel word may wreck
a life. A timely word may level stress. But a loving word may
heal and bless.

10. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best
of everything they just make the most of everything that comes
along their way.

11. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with
a tear. When you were born, you were crying and everyone
around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die,
you're the one smiling and everyone around you is crying.

- Unknown

Bambi's Soap Box: Negative Nancy's

The world now days is soooooooooo negative. Makes me crazy!!! The glasses are half empty. I see everyday on facebook there is certain people who are hating their lives. The people who completely exploit their families business online so the entire world knows their dirty laundry. Who needs soap operas anymore?


I believe no matter what someone's circumstances are, they can be a happy and positive person. Those people carry smiles, they can give compliments even when they feel like crap about themselves or not looking their sharpest. Giving away compliments makes people feel better about themselves as well as making the other person happy or feel good.

I CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY!