I have not written a blog lately. I have no reason why I haven't. I just didn't have enough built up to just talk about I guess. My blog has always been a way for me to express myself, this has helped me get thru a lot of things actually that I have been through or felt. I haven't written since January! That is quite awhile.
I am a thinker. I over think and think ALOT. I am twisted in thinking I wish I could redo my life and I'm glad everything that has happened has happened. I'm sure most people do that. If the "crap" I have went thru didn't kill me and made me stronger and put me on the path on I'm on now. I should be just very thankful. I think there has to be a breaking point where you release and let go of the hurt and anger and past before you can move 100% forward. I think I have finally gotten to that point with several things that happened in my life. I think not letting go- harms your future thinking and actions and life.
I keep several quotes in my head that I think I think and look at often, that has really helped me. Don't let your praying knees go lazy and love like crazy. That is HUGE! God always commanded to love your neighbor as yourself. Treat others like you want treated. Forgive. People can say forgive, but not forgotten, that is where I have been. I need to forgive and let go. That is the most freeing feeling. Recently I wrote a 5 page letter to someone just being me and laying out my heart on the line. I never got a response and I don't know how to take that except God is working in my heart and I'm giving 100% and I have to accept the good, bad and ugly. I feel like sometimes the saying damned if you do, damned if you don't, is very legit. You can absolutely do anything in your power to be amazing and someone is always going to pick you apart and find fault. I know this is other people's issues, not mine. I am a fixer. I always want to fix and help anything I can so things are just GOOD! My trouble is the things that cannot be fixed, I want that so bad for not just me, just anything I feel passionate about and I get over-welmed on how to make that happen. I joke about wanting smiles and laughter and rainbows and unicorns and happiness. I really do though! ;) I love being HAPPY!
I am in a great spot now in my life. I love my job, I have a great boyfriend and I absolutely love my daughters to pieces. I have some great family and some terrific friends. It took me awhile to figure out myself and be accepted. I'm just too raw for people sometimes. I am too honest for people. People don't want the truth. They want everything sugar coated and I don't do that. I never have. I won't lie to make someone feel better. I stick up for what's right. If I'm wrong, I will admit that and move on. Some people I have found are just dwellers. You run across people who this or that happened to and they just never can get over it. I never want to be like that. Each day is a new day, each day is a gift, that is why they call it the PRESENT. Each day is a present to be alive!
I think I know what I would make my super power to be. It would be to make everyone innocent like a baby and just trust and be loving and laugh easily. It's funny to me how dogs no matter what, they are loyal and love you. As silly as it sounds I wish humans were more like that. Dogs require food and shelter and a bit of extras but not like humans. Humans need soooooooooo much, it's exhausting how to read them sometimes. A dog can squat and pee on the couch and get a newspaper to the butt and know "don't do that" 5 minutes later they are by you panting and in your face and they still love you. Sometimes I really think dogs are smarter than humans and that is why God only lets dogs live so long so you can learn multiple lessons from the dogs. They let you know life is good, run around, be happy, there is nothing that bad that won't go away minutes later. Of course all things are not that simple, but quite a few things are in fact.
I pray for a lot of people. I have some people I pray for their health, I pray for some for them to find peace in their heart and soul so they can live out their life a different way. I pray for the ones who have lost loved ones that meant so much to them. I pray for people that have new babies, for people who want a wife/husband and can't find them. I wish the best for everyone.
My blank pages have been filled with just randomness. I have a lot of thoughts I don't know quite how to put on paper. I just want the best for everyone always. My heart is full ...........
