The things that dont kill you,make you stronger.

The holiday seasons are here. A time of family..laughter....thankfulness..and love. I will be openly honest with myself and everyone else about a tough thing I have always struggled with... MYSELF.
When I heard the Pink song..Lyrics "I am my own worst enemy" I so get that. I have all my life known deep down what is right and wrong. I think once you have been saved, this is always something that lives within your heart. The struggle with that and being a people pleaser conflicted me on a daily basis. I am like most people..always wanting to be liked. I was sometimes envious of the people that could not care what others think. It also though at the same time haunt me back to school days when people would be so mean that at a young age I felt sorry for people not having feelings. I really thought that. In K-2 grade I was the girl who would hug my teachers and friends and family. I cried when oir school cook Vicki Conell passed when my mom told me she had cried when I moved to Staplehurst school and she told my mom I hugged her every single day. She was the best cook. I remember Amity Bruns and I would have food eating contests. Vicki always had a smile or laugh and cooked the best food in the world.
Adjusting to the schools in Staplehurst was very very hard. Everyone was related. People made fun of my name. Everyone had a best friend. I still tried to be nice to people. I would always give Darin Zwick my favorite pens and oencils because he always wrote so nice. I gave people stickers. I tried sports.
Somewhere in there I lost who I was suppose to be... I grew up on an isolated farm. There was always lots of work to be done with chores...feeding animals..mowing. My parents fought alot. I was always jealous of the happy families. I think some where around 9th grade I finally started getting angry about all my sadness and not fair life and was easily sgut down where I wouldnt let anyone too close to me. My best friend Becky Hook was there for me all high school. We were absolutely crazy together. The only person I felt like I could be myself. I graduated from1998. I wanted to be a hair stylist so bad. I saved and saved for all the stuff I needed to move out. I HATED owning money. I loved the thrill of working hard and being able to buy things for myself or nice gifts. I still was not happy though. Long story short version I was enrolled in college even got a 500 scholarship and then my parents got divorced and O was unable to go at my start date.
I got into sales jobs often. College never became an option as I worked two and three jobs to keep me busy. Deep down though I always held onto my past and never could let go of all the negative things. Years go by. Deep down Im the lovable hugs girl with a blackened heart from pain and meanness of people and life. I struggled with relatiinships and weight often. Felt like I was always on a roller coaster of emotions. I COULDN'T BREAK FREE!
2011 emerges a complete rock bottom flat fallout of Bambi. A week later it was absolutely amazing how I changed my thinking and prayed and let go of the past and felt completely for the first time..peaceful..blessed...HAPPY!!!! I KNEE I had been just living for the most part to please other people. I was scared to say what I felt. I didnt have a backbone most of the time. I let people treat me bad and mess with my head and I finally realized I had been always always hanging on the bad stuff. I missed it! I missed out in reflecting on the good and amazing stuff in my life. I cried more about the evil people and not fair world when all along my glass could have been half full.
People now can see my true real side. Im a happy person. I love trying new things and not scared as much to fail. All my motivational quotes and true balance in my life have made me a better person. I say thanks for all the small things. The saying when one door closes...another window opens. I feel like now I forgave myself Im moving on to brighter days. I have come such a long ways from where I was and how I thought about life.
2012 Here I come! This smiley happy full of life Bambi is here to stay! I want my daughters to look back and think I love my mom and she was/is always so happy and I want to encourage them to be their very best person they can be. ThT would make me the happiest girl alive.
I SIGNED UP FOR THE HALF MARATHON for May. Several people I know are going.   I really want to do this as its a HUUUGGGEEE fear. I want to conquer these tasks and then continue to add onto my bucket list.
God is going to live in my heart. I will rejoice that my Grandma is happy in heaven instead of crying so much and missing her. She will always be alive in my heart. I want to have good loving relationships with my family. I want each and every member to know they are important and loved more than words. I want to be the best mom for my girls. Live alittle..act young...read books. See the world through their eyes. They are only little once. I want to always take lots of pictures and hold memories close and near to my heart.  I want to be a great friend to my friends. So they know they can count on me...good times and bad. I want to be a good stranger. Smile give complimenta...pay for a random coffee.
ITS THE SMALL THINGS THAT MATTER. TOOK ME THIS LONG TO FIGURE IT OUT. BUT I GOT IT!!!!

Hope you have an Amazing Christmas! Jesus is the reason for the season. Remember that. God bless!
Luv,
The FABULOUS BAMBI

When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around

Make it a habit to tell people thank you.
To express your appreciation,
sincerely and without the expectation of anything in return.
Truly appreciate those around you,
and you'll soon find many others around you.
Truly appreciate life, and you'll find that you have more of it.
Ralph Marston

November 2011. Another year has come and gone and we are to the month where we get to "gobble til you wobble". My favorite thing besides eating all the yummy food is just taking time to be thankful for all the stuff in your lives that you may take for granted.

I love right now all my facebook friends update their status to things they are thankful for each day. That warms my heart to see all the important things to people. I have done that on and off this month.

I myself have so many things I have thankful for:

1. A loving God that loves me each and every day and provides for me.
2. 2 beautiful healthy wonderful girls
3. My health, My life
4. My loving & wonderful boyfriend
5. A roof over my head & food to eat, heat & air
6. My family & friends
7. A great job that provides my income.
8. A nice car
9. My cute pets Romeo & Max
10. My positive outlook on life
11. Memories of the people that live on in my heart that have passed away


There is so much more.......but here is the some of the things. Each day is a gift, that is why it is called the PRESENT. Love those around you, you never know when that will be the last time to say something or to hug them.

BE THANKFUL!!

DEFINITION OF: gen·u·ine

gen·u·ine adj

Definition of GENUINE

1a : actually having the reputed or apparent qualities or character
b : actually produced by or proceeding from the alleged source or author
c : sincerely and honestly felt or experienced

d : actual, true

2: free from hypocrisy or pretense : sincere


I noticed on and off the lack of genuine people that are in the world. I am not trying to focus on those people though. Those type of people just wear a person out, cause hurt and is just a complete waste of time of emotional torment. I'm just truely thankful for the GENUINE people in my life I do have.

I love being able to talk to my good friends and not be judged, hugged, not pushed away, cried with not gossiped about, laughed with, not at.

So for all of my Genuine Friends & Family I have in my life. I'm sending out bear hug thank you's for being so wonderful.

TODAY I CHOOSE TO BE THANKFUL FOR THINGS I SOMETIMES TAKE FOR GRANTED.

Sometimes people put up walls, not to keep others out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.

This past week is alot of realizations with my life. Life can be so crazy sometimes when you battle inside your own head and try to figure out what to do in certain situations and how to respond or who to trust, where to manage your time.

I often say I CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY or I CHOOSE TO LOVE. So true about me! I feel like I have broken out of my shell and am finally the person I have always wanted to be. I feel like I can say what I want and be happy, smile, show my love to all the people I want to. I feel like I can dance crazy in my living room with my daughters and just laugh uncontrollably.

All walls are done. The only way to love or let someone love you back completely is to have all your walls done. I tell people this all the time and now I'm living my life this way.

If it hurts, it's okay to cry. If you have a concern, it should be voiced. If your mad, don't go to bed that way-work it out. If you are thankful, say "thank you". If you love someone, show them with big and small things. When you hug, make it warm and both arms. LIVE EACH DAY AS THOUGH IT'S YOUR LAST. You can never undo your past, but you can make sure each day counts.












Love this quote:
If I could be any part of you, I’d be your tears. To be conceived in your heart, born in your eyes, live on your cheeks, and die on your lips. - Unknown

All my heart, All my life....

Signs of fall are surrounding me. I like the tad bit of the cool air and being able to leave the windows open and smell the crispness of the air. My scentsy is burning apple smells which make me think of caramel apple time.
I rememeber last year we took Laura n Grace to the pumpkin farm and that is the talk of the house on and off. We went to a pumpkin patch by St. Libory. Was a good time. This year we want to go to the big pumpkin farm over by Omaha.

Today Im off work and woke up to my diva girls climbing in bed with me giggling. These are the moments I live for. Nothing sounds better than the words.. Mommy I love you. These are the words no matter how bad I feel or how happy I already am, the words echo through my mind. Gods wonderful creations he blessed me with, my beautiful daughters.

Seems like lately everything has been finally falling into place. Old chapters have closed. New books have been opened. Sometimes I think a person prays and wants their life to go a certain way and it doesnt. You feel like God abandons you. But I think its like the Garth Brooks song..unanswered prayers. Truly. I finally met and been hanging out with someone completely amazing. Someone who cares about me and my girls. Who laughs. Would help anyone who is in need. Who when they look at you, they can see their feelings and thoughts. Someone who is open with their feelings and loves with their deepest part of their heart. We both have so much in common and each others weaknesses are the other persons strengths. I think both if us are at a point in our lives where we both know Life is a gift. Happiness is from within. If you got happiness and joy within yourself and give 100% to be happy... your life can be more than amazing. I thank God for working in mysterious ways. I know there is always a plan. Im thankful God is the captain of my ship.

TODAY IM THANKFUL FOR THE ABUNDANCE OF BLESSINGS IN MY LIFE.

“Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same.”

I found my best friend/soulmate female version of me. Her name is MEGAN KUSH. There is not a single other person in the world quite like her. I feel like we can tell each other any single thing and be okay with it. She knows more about me than any other person. When I can answer the phone and hear her voice, I know her mood right away, when she speaks and her voice is strained, I know she had tears previous to the phone call. I know if I don't even get out a hello, she is busting at the seems to tell me something.

The laughter, tears, talks, walks, dancing, dinners we have shared are amazing. This woman can make me feel at ease and laugh and just let me be myself. We can be open with each other. We can talk about our fears, our sorrows, our happiness and the other person will mirror the emotions.

It's a rare find to have someone you can call your true best friend. I have that. A rare diamond in the mine. There is nothing I would not do for her, and she feels the same about me.

We got matching tattoos a year ago, we got lady bugs on our foot. Best day ever. We both love lady bugs, they are super cute. We talked about getting another one, Do not know what we will get yet, but it will have true meaning and be amazing. That is how much we love each other. A friend like this will never depart. I love Megan Kush with all my heart. :-)

I don't know what I forsee in my future, but I do know I will have Megan in my corner in the fight of life. We will be great and amazing and there for each other. You can never put a price tag on that. Priceless.

I love you Megan!!!

I'm already rich, Someday I will have money :-)

Some may say that being rich you can buy cars and items, even happiness. I feel I'm rich, but in the aspect that I am rich with a great family that I love with all my heart.

I did have a crazy childhood growing up at times, but there was always lots of laughter. I have reflected most recently on my family and always thought of the bad things that happened to me as a child and teenager even up til recently. I wanted to remember what the good stuff was. I looked through my photo albums and laughed alot on silly pictures, holidays, our animals and events.

I have a half sister and two full sisters and a brother. I also have two step brothers. I'm the 2nd oldest. My parents divorced in 1998. My mom never remarried and my dad remarried Jamie.

My half sister Amy lives in PA. She is three years older than me. She has two children and a husband. I have not seen her forever. I love her ambition that she went to college and she is soooooo good with my favorite type of stuff, home decorating. I have seen before and after pictures that make me so proud. This sister had a tough upbringing and I think Amy took this to her advantage. Her and her husband are so cute and loving towards each other, I admire this and am so happy for her. I love getting messages from her when she is thinking of me. I hope she always knows how much I do care about her.

Next oldest sister is Miranda. Her birthday is in 2 days and she is 29 and 3 years younger than me. She has two boys, that are adorable! She has a super sweet boyfriend named Brad and three dogs. I would say out of all of us kids, we probally were the furthest apart, I don't know why for sure, if it was us being too alike at times or too close in age. I can't ever pinpoint it. But Miranda is absolutly one of the funniest people I know in the world. She is beautiful. Long eyelashes. She has crocodile tears that makes a person instantly cry if she ever does. She loves to be crazy and really doesn't care what people think. I took time yesturday/last night to hang out with her and her friends and boyfriend. Had one of the best times ever with her. She is a awesome cook and so creative and artsy. I hope and know from now on we will be closer.

Brandon is my baby brother. He has a pretty girlfriend Jill and 3 kids, two girls and a boy. He lives in York in a nice house. I felt like alot of the time I was his protector in some ways. I love making him laugh. Like Miranda, Brandon is super funny and his laugh is super contagious. I always loved how we would play cars and how when we lived out at the farm, he would use his stick and have all this car noises he would make... and Ace Ventura lines rehearsed and used frequently. Like ALLRIGHTY THEN... Brandon has the most beautiful eyes ever. He has a kind heart and hates drama.

Katelin is the baby sister, she is ten years younger than me. She has a nice boyfriend named Dustan who is actually one of my best guy friends. I thought two years ago they would be good together, so warms my heart that they are together. Dustan is so sweet to my sister and that is just what I want for her. Katelin is amazing, she graduated hair college and is now in dental assisting classes. She will have two degrees which is awesome. So proud of the lady she has become. I would say Katelin & I have been the closest of the siblings. I remember when she was a baby, she was mine. I did her hair, had her pose for pictures. As she grew up, I did her hair and makeup for prom and still had her pose for pictures. When they say beauty is only skin deep, She is beautiful inside and out.

My two step brothers, Zack & Donnie are great guys. I have not seen Zack for awhile, but I have him on facebook and his smile is AMAZING! I remember when he was little he had the best smile. Smiles are the way to the soul. That is a person when he smiles, you have to smile too, because it is so contagious. Donnie is married to Victoria and they have the cutest baby ever, Jade. SO BEAUTIFUL! I love holding her and seeing her smile. Donnie is in the marines. and stationed out of Nebraska most recently. I'm so proud of Him. Donnie is a really good looking guy and takes care of his family.

My mommy is Darlene. She loves cat things. She makes the best potato salad in the entire world. She loves laughing, just like me. I always have fun with her. She is the most random person ever, one minute she will be sleeping, next minute she is wanting to watch karoeke. That really surprized me. I never have went with her yet, but we will. My mom drinks iced tea so much that her lid could be someone's teabag. It's so weird the ice tea film that gets on her lid and she swears the tea don't taste as good with a clean lid. This is true. :-) My mom always helps me out with the girls. She gets them clothes and toys and hair items. I don't think my mom knows how much I love her and appreciate all the "little things" she does, that sometimes I'm sure I don't even say thanks. But MOM... I LOVE YOU AND AM SO THANKFUL FOR YOUR LOVE.

My daddy is Albert. My dad loves cars and trucks and machinery. He is so smart with numbers and machines and engines and construction wither it be housing or road or autos. I think it's so awesome. I know he saved alot of money throughout the years from all his knowledge. I love that about my dad. I also know just from looking at my dad's beautiful green eyes, his mood. When they glow almost neon green, that means run away. I might have remembered that as a teenager. LOL. My dad knows my heart, most recently brought me my most favorite things, pistachios and starbucks drinks. I love my dad and his hugs.

Jamie is my stepmother. She has three sons. One passed away in a sad car accident. I love that Jamie loves my dad and shoes it always. Jamie likes to have fast cars and loves having nice cars. I love having a wonderful mother but it makes it
Nice to have another person in my life I can talk to and depend on. Jamie loves to laugh and tell jokes. She loves her grand babies.

I could go on and on and write all day, but that is about my richness in my life. My family is my heart. I love all of them with every ounce of my soul. No matter what bad has ever happened, it's past stuff. I will never think about it anymore or look back on the bad memories. I'm going to remember the good and go forward being the sister and daughter God wants me to be. I want to be there for them. I want them to remember me in life as their rock and friend and great memories.

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.

Eleven Hints for Life

I seen this online and love it!


1. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return.
But what is more painful is to love someone and never
find the courage to let that person know how you feel.

2. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who
means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was
never meant to be and you just have to let go.

3. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a
porch swing with, never say a word, and then walk away
feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

4. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose
it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been
missing until it arrives.

5. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an
hour to like someone, and a day to love someone-but it
takes a lifetime to forget someone.

6. Don't go for looks, they can deceive. Don't go for wealth,
even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you
smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day
seem bright.

7. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go,
be what you want to be. Because you have only one life and
one chance to do all the things you want to do.

8. Always put yourself in the other's shoes. If you feel that it
hurts you, it probably hurts the person too.

9. A careless word may kindle strife. A cruel word may wreck
a life. A timely word may level stress. But a loving word may
heal and bless.

10. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best
of everything they just make the most of everything that comes
along their way.

11. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with
a tear. When you were born, you were crying and everyone
around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die,
you're the one smiling and everyone around you is crying.

- Unknown

Bambi's Soap Box: Negative Nancy's

The world now days is soooooooooo negative. Makes me crazy!!! The glasses are half empty. I see everyday on facebook there is certain people who are hating their lives. The people who completely exploit their families business online so the entire world knows their dirty laundry. Who needs soap operas anymore?


I believe no matter what someone's circumstances are, they can be a happy and positive person. Those people carry smiles, they can give compliments even when they feel like crap about themselves or not looking their sharpest. Giving away compliments makes people feel better about themselves as well as making the other person happy or feel good.

I CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY!

Look at life through the windshield, not the rear-view mirror

You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you. ~ Sri Ram

Today is a beautiful day outside. Today is a day I am so thankful for the many blessings I have. I am a very blessed woman. I'm 31 years young. Full of life. Healthy. I have two beautiful daughters who are full of life and healthy. I have a 7 year old siamese cat that has slept with me almost everyday of his life when I'm home. I have a great circle of friends that I know I can count on.

I can say I'm happy. The most happy I have been my entire life. I know exactly what it is. I am finding myself.

I for once am single. I have always been a girl in a relationship and never really knew who I was fully til I became single. The single life is not always fun. I hate sleeping alone all the time, but then I again I love having my whole leopard printed bedding and my pillows to myself. I always thought of myself as weaker person. I am not! I can do so many things that I never thought I could do, in the process I have been able to mark some stuff off my bucket list. I went to a friends play all by myself. I have never done that. I ate at Subway all by myself. I found out, it's not so bad!! I love being able to walk around my house, work on little projects like painting and I can sing in my shower at the top of my lungs. I can make and eat whatever food I want. I have been cooking more.

I feel like now I'm too picky. I have went on a few dates, they have been nice. If I had to describe My prince charming: Soul-mates are people who bring out the best in you. They are not perfect but are always perfect for you. THE MOST attractive thing about someone is their smile. Someone who wears the same face no matter who they are around. Someone that is physically attractive--that takes care of themselves and wears good smelling cologne. Perfer someone who does not smoke. Someone who likes adventure & likes to be spontaneous. Someone who avoids drama. A person that likes to hit the town for fun, but then can lay on the couch and snuggle with a movie. Above all I want someone to be honest and open with their feelings, good-bad-or otherwise. I admire people who are like this

I always felt like all my life I have done and conformed to what other people wanted of me and somehow I lost myself. I'm not saying I'm 180 difference. I'm just knowing what is right, what is wrong. I need to say sorry more. I need to love people even when they are being mean. I need to be that person God has called me to be. It's not always easy to do the right thing. But I can go to bed at night so much easier. I beleive in being yourself, being honest and open. Love other people even if they are going to hurt you. Because it's the right thing to do.

Today I choose to LOVE.

Marilyn Monroe Quotes

I LOVE Quotes. My favorite ones are by Marilyn Monroe. How ironic?! Great divas think alike!

"This life is what you make it. Not matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, somg go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And babe, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up becuase if you give up, you'll never find your soul mate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about."
— Marilyn Monroe

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"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
— Marilyn Monroe

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"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
— Marilyn Monroe
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"Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring."
— Marilyn Monroe

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"A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left."
— Marilyn Monroe

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"I am good, but not an angel. I do sin, but I am not the devil. I am just a small girl in a big world trying to find someone to love."
— Marilyn Monroe

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"If you're gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty."
— Marilyn Monroe


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"If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything."
— Marilyn Monroe

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"The real lover is the man who can thrill you by kissing your forehead or smiling into your eyes or just staring into space."
— Marilyn Monroe

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"When it comes down to it, I let them think what they want. If they care enough to bother with what I do, then I'm already better than them."
— Marilyn Monroe


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"It's better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone."
— Marilyn Monroe


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"Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?"
— Marilyn Monroe


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"Give a girl the right shoes, and she can conquer the world."
— Marilyn Monroe

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"We should all start to live before we get too old. Fear is stupid. So are regrets."
— Marilyn Monroe

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"I've never fooled anyone. I've let people fool themselves. They didn't bother to find out who and what I was. Instead they would invent a character for me. I wouldn't argue with them. They were obviously loving somebody I wasn't."
— Marilyn Monroe

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"Beneath the makeup and behind the smile I am just a girl who wishes for the world."
— Marilyn Monroe

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"She was a girl who knew how to be happy even when she was sad. And that’s important—you know "
— Marilyn Monroe


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"I don't mind living in a man's world, as long as I can be a woman in it."
— Marilyn Monroe

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"The nicest thing for me is sleep, then at least I can dream."
— Marilyn Monroe

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"All little girls should be told they are pretty, even if they aren't."
— Marilyn Monroe

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"Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition."
— Marilyn Monroe


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"You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself."
— Marilyn Monroe


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"We are all of us stars, and we deserve to twinkle."
— Marilyn Monroe


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"It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on."
— Marilyn Monroe


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"If I'd observed all the rules I'd never have got anywhere."
— Marilyn Monroe


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"It's often just enough to be with someone. I don't need to touch them. Not even talk. A feeling passes between you both. You're not alone."
— Marilyn Monroe


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"I want to grow old without facelifts. I want to have the courage to be loyal to the face I have made."
— Marilyn Monroe


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"its better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what your not"
— Marilyn Monroe


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"Success makes so many people hate you. I wish it wasn't that way. It would be wonderful to enjoy success without seeing envy in the eyes of those around you."
— Marilyn Monroe


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"Dogs never bite me. Just humans."
— Marilyn Monroe


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"I don't want to make money, I just want to be wonderful."
— Marilyn Monroe


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"Sex is part of nature. I go along with nature."
— Marilyn Monroe


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"I don't mind making jokes, but I don't want to look like one."
— Marilyn Monroe


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"I don't know who invented high heels, but all women owe him a lot!"
— Marilyn Monroe


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"I restore myself when I'm alone."
— Marilyn Monroe


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"You never know what life is like, until you have lived it."
— Marilyn Monroe


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"It's all make believe, isn't it?"
— Marilyn Monroe


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"Diamonds are a girls best friend."
— Marilyn Monroe


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"The body is meant to be seen, not all covered up."
— Marilyn Monroe

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"Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul. I know, because I turned down the first offer often enough and held out for the fifty cents."
— Marilyn Monroe


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"I don't mind being burdened with being glamorous and sexual. Beauty and femininity are ageless and can't be contrived, and glamour, although the manufacturers won't like this, cannot be manufactured. Not real glamour; it's based on femininity."
— Marilyn Monroe


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"Keep smiling, because life is a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about."
— Marilyn Monroe


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"I'm very definitely a woman and I enjoy it. "
— Marilyn Monroe


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"I used to think as I looked out on the Hollywood night — there must be thousands of girls sitting alone like me, dreaming of becoming a movie star. But I'm not going to worry about them. I'm dreaming the hardest."
— Marilyn Monroe

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"If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?"


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"We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift."
— Marilyn Monroe


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"What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course"
— Marilyn Monroe

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"Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him."
— Marilyn Monroe


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"I've been on a calendar, but never on time."
— Marilyn Monroe

LIFE!

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back.

I CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY!

Bindweed is my worst enemy!

I will start out with, I ABSOlUTELY LOOOOOVEE FLOWERS and landscaping. I got my two flower beds in check and got them mulched and they are all beautified. I procrastonate alot because I don't know what I want to do and so I keep thinking until I have what I want to do and then do it. But after 6 years. I'm like OK, get this done. Drives you nuts every year and every day. So this year. Gonna work on it more.

Yesturday for stress control, I decided I'm going to go outside and weed stuff and clean my patio set and deck and take down last years vines. Stuff I put off cuz I like planting stuff and doing the easy projects and all that stuff is done. I don't know how well the stress control went because living in the house that I have for the last 6 years...I have not stained my deck and it's REALLY REALLY REALLY bugged me because I always like to keep things nice and kept up. I always think if I would win the lottery I would have a special savings fund to just help out someone fix their house once a year to be nice. I love HGTV and love Curb appeal. Always seeing places that just need _____ something. HA! So my next adventure will be staining the deck. So I was gonna clean off the vines wash the deck and make it pretty. I notice that my lattice panel has pieces now broken and in a section there is some pesky bug that ate some of it. Immediately I thought termites. And that is NOT what I want! I freaked out and even cried. But today after looking them up on the internet, I'm pretty sure I do not have those. So my friend said maybe carpenter ants. One section of the deck in particular did look like that could be a possibility. So Orkin got an online request to come visit Bambilinaville. :-)

Now with all the rain we have had it brought out the little enemy that keeps returning without a lovely welcome. The BINDWEED!! So I noticed last year this pest showed up and chocked out all my pretty iris, daylilies and columbine and even some daffidils. So it's now a weed patch that is waiting for Bambi's brillant makeover on it.
So after lunch went outside again to attack the weeds. Pulling weeds instead of pulling out my hair should been better. 4 hours later I was pretty much done. So today I'm sore sore. I still didn't sleep well and so the stress thing, dunno if that helped. But I still had the hair on my head. So I guess, whatever. :-) So today I research of how to kill bind weed. What is the first thing the website says. DO NOT PULL IT OUT. It's like popping the head off a flower to make the other flowers bloom. The roots go 40' deep. Suggestions of round up and stuff like that you should rub on the base of it. So now I'm thinking great. I just made guppy bindweed babies. Super. I'm "hoping" now that I can use the roundup on all the new additions that sprouted. Guess have to chalk up my destressing activity as physical activity as today I was super sore.

I will do before and after pictures of my next projects. I have several things I want to do:
*stain side deck/replace pieces
*stain front deck
*fill lily garden around pole
*fill in bushes and mulch on the side of the garage
*fill in hostas to the side of the house
*fill in dead grass areas where the dog ruined grass
*cover bricks with faux stone for a new modern look
*new shingles
*front seating on deck
*front flower pots on ledges
*big pink flowering tree in remembrance of my grandma
*a hosta lily berm
*a nice front appealing area. This is my stumper what I want to do
*new outside light fixtures

THE BAMBI BUCKET LIST

I loved the movie Bucket List. Has to be top TEN movies for sure. I had a bucket list wrote out with a few things checked off. I learned lately, much too late that I often stood on the sidelines and when I went to restaurants, always ordered the same stuff. Always was in the safe zone. With one of my most favorite songs by Rascal Flatts. When the sand runs out. This girl is gonna live and love with her whole heart. Do not want any regrets.


X Have children
X Going to a public event ie: movie by self
X Learn to ride a motorcycle
X Own a Harley
X Own a mustang GT
X Go to a hawaiian island
X Try swordfish
X Try lobster
X Try crablegs
X Get tattoo of daughters names
X Pay off a car and keep it for a year
X Own own house
X Eat Raw oyster--ate with Jeff in Omaha
Visit Australia
Go to big island Hawaii
Visit Maui
Visit Italy
Go to San Diego Zoo
X Go to PBR in Vegas-- Went 12/2014
Vist Napa Valley
Go On a Cruise
Jump from a airplane
X Run a half marathon-completed  5/6/12
X Karoeke- completed 12/6/2013
X Get a tattoo on my ribs/side Got on 12/3/2015
Get to goal weight
Visit Disney with kiddos
Go to Bahamas/Atlantis Resort
X Visit Vegas- Went 12/2014
Get front row tickets for a concert
Get birthmark taken off
Take a college course
Learn to swim
Learn to shoot a gun and hit the target
X Own my own handgun- Its shared but mine half 12/2015
Go hunting
Own a corvette
Marry my soulmate
Go fishing and bait the worm
XGet pink trees planted for my Grandma
Get matching tattoos with Laura & Grace
X Get matching tattoo with my bestie, Megan
X Get matching tattoos with Katelin
Ride in hot air balloon
Go to Hot air balloon festival in Mexico
Visit Napa
Visit Sonoma
Go to Belize
Kiss in front of the Eiffel Tower 
Take Salsa Dance Lessons
X Perfect a runza receipe
Perfect a cinnamon roll receipe
Win over 1000 at the casino
X Go see Jeff Dunham- Went winter 2014 with Zeb Kotil
X Plant own garden-- planted with Jeff Spring 2014
Get backstage at a concert
Go to Macy's Day parade
Visit Budweiser Plant
Try caviar
Make two new recipes each week for a month straight
X eat a mussel
Take cement staining class
Run 5 miles straight non stop
X Pay off credit cards to zero Did 2/2017
X get marilyn monroe beauty mark tattoo
eat tequila worm
have a house buildt
X pay for some random's person coffee- I paid $27 extra was Awesome!!!
own Charger SRT8 or old Charger
Visit every winery in Nebraska
X Be a relay for Life Captain- Event June 9th, 2012
XEarn 2500 for Relay for Life
X try saki
X try eel
perfect the bomb pop martini like Lazlos
X landscape a beautiful burm in my yard- Got first one down in 2014
Have a family planned
Go to a Pink Concert
Make sushi
Do Glow Run
X Do Run or Dye Run- completed with Megan Oquist
Ride an elephant
Go to NYC and see the 9/11 tribute
X See Garth Brooks in Concert- Completed 2016
Go to NYC on New Years Eve

Roller Coaster of Life

I do not like roller coasters very much. I went on the big roller coaster @ Worlds of Fun in Kansas City. THE MAMBA! SCARY! I do not like my stomach falling out and feeling like I'm going to throw up. I have still went on it three times. I think just to see if I can do it. I still will only go once and still don't like it. HA! So often I think of that roller coaster and how it ties in with peoples lives. Roller Coaster. Highs, lows, scary, fun.

I would say often before I had such a roller coaster of emotions, not that people usually knew that about me. I learned something about myself that I needed to achieve which most recently has occured. Just loving myself! Truely. People always told me you could not love someone else fully until you love yourself.

I always wanted things and I let other people shape how I thought sometimes stuff. I am now the person I have always wanted to be. A strong, carefree person who is honest and loyal and would do anything for anyone. I am not going to let anyone take any of that from me. That is now one of my strong points I beleive.

One of my favorite songs in the whole world is IF TODAY WAS YOUR LAST DAY BY NICKELBACK, these are the lyrics:

My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day's a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had, if today was your last day?
What if, what if, if today was your last day?

Against the grain should be a way of life
What's worth the price is always worth the fight
Every second counts 'cause there's no second try
So live like you're never living twice
Don't take the free ride in your own life

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?

And would you call those friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you're dreaming of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you'd finally fall in love if today was your last day?

If today was your last day
Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?
You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars
Regardless of who you are

So do whatever it takes
'Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life
Let nothing stand in your way
'Cause the hands of time are never on your side

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?

And would you call those friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you're dreaming of
Swear up and down to God above
That you'd finally fall in love if today was your last day?

Life can be like a roller coaster...
And just when you think you've had enough,
and your ready to get off the ride and take the calm, easy merry-go round...
You change your mind, throw you hands in the air
and ride the roller coaster all over again.
That's exhilaration...that's living a bit on the edge...that's being ALIVE."
-Stacey Charter

Sunny Saturday

It has been raining seems like all week. My grass is growing taller by the minute. :-) I am thankful for the rain though because all of my flowers are getting watered and all my hostas are getting huge.
I can't wait to go to the zoo with the girls. They talk about that all the time. Which also leads down the path of what kind of zoo animal is mommy? Which is normally a monkey or zebra. Super funny. Laura & Grace always say they are monkeys or giraffes. They still remember going last year. They liked the penguins and the aquarium the best. I loved the gorillas. The girls were sorta timid around them because the big ape beat on the window and scared them to death.
Lets see of any updates in the DIVA household. We have two flower beds completed. Mulch done, new flowers are planted. A new bronze turtle joined the flower bed family in the back. Can't wait to get all the landscaping done finally. Love seeing all the flowers blooming, so does that girls. But they also like picking all the flowers. So work in progress. Look do not pick ALL of the flowers. Even at this young age of three they rattle off a bunch of people that would want flowers. Even Romeo the cat. How thoughtful. How loving. :-) My girls warm my heart. Love them and their innocent and loving hearts.
I painted my bedroom and found a new bedroom set. Looks so much bigger without the nightstands in the room. I do miss having one though. My phone now just lays on the floor. I am a OCD freak though about cleaning. So it's nice having everything tidy and in it's place. I'm now kinda searching for new bedding. Don't know what I will have. Right now I have diva girl bedding, Pink with lips all over it. LOL. I want something a little more modern like the bedroom set. Don't know what colors yet. Fun to decorate. Hince why HGTV has a special place in my heart.
The girls & I went summer clothes shopping. We got lots of new shorts and skirts and fun stuff like that. Next up will be swimming suit shopping and more flip flops. Just like their mama. Love their flip flops.
Next Projects up will be painting the living room/dining room area and changing the really really outdated curtains and finding a table and doing the decks. I love having projects. I don't know what I will do after my projects run out. Pry have to move. HAHA.
Well that is all I got for today! Have a sunshine filled SATURDAY!

THE DASH

I want this for my funeral....best writing ever!

The Dash by Linda Ellis

There was a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From the beginning to the end

He noted that first came her date of her birth
And spoke the following date with tears
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years

For that dash stands for all the time
That she spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved her
Know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not how much we own;
The cars the house the cash
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard.
Are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
That can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
To consider what's true and real
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.

We'd be less quick to anger
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we've never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect
And more often wear a smile
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.

So when your eulogy is being read
With your lifes actions to rehash
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?

Cos that dash stands for all the time
That you spent alive on earth
And only those who loved you
Know what that little line is worth

It matters not how much you own
The cars the house the cash
What matters is how you live and love
And how you spend your dash

What matters is how you live and love
And how you spend your dash.

RIP Princess Potties! :-)

Our girls are now 3 years old, 3 months. They keep wanting to "not" wear diapers to bed and I sorta been scared cuz I do not want to have to clean up peed up sheets. But after Grace snuck her panties on twice in one night. I was like why am I fighting this?? This is what I wanted!! So last night after we get home, they both go potty and say they do not wanna put night diapers on. I am like oh dear... but this morning. Neither one of them peed the bed. They were so excited.
On the way to Papa & Grandma's House. I said how about you guys not ever have to wear diapers again. (cuz they have only been wearing them at night). Laura yells ALLRIGHT! I said how about mommy hangs a piece of paper on the fridge and when you get 7 stickers you guys can have a prize?? They were all excited and said yes! I said what do you guys want? Grace says, I want puppy underwear. Laura says. I want kitty underwear. Mind you now they are like me. Super obsessed with panties. Grace has even took a bunch out of the drawer and hid them under her pillow cuz she loves all her princess panties. I might have created some monsters with my underwear obsession, they are like mini-me's. So funny! So we got the goal in mind. Yet more underwear. I am on the hunt for puppy & kitty panties.
We have came along way from diapers every two hours...to having floaters in the bath-tub..to poop up the back and mama gagging often...going potty in the princess pottys. Which now by the way. I would highly recommned going straight to a big potty instead. So not worth the "almost puking occasions" to pooping in Grandma Legbands trash can....to pooping in the bathtub. (that was this week). To no diapers!
I'm so proud of them and glad for this to be done with. :-)
Go Laura & Grace!!

I'm a poet...Bet ya didn't know it!

Here is a couple poems I found I wrote in 2003.

"Colorado"

The water rushes down the rocky lined path,
As the wind blows enough to rustle my hair
Windows down, the sights unable to grasp
In awe, the beauty unable to speak, only stare.

Tall, jagged rocks to create this big mass
Roads wrap around, twisting and winding
Trees upon trees, large patches of grass
Hope to spot a treasure, perhaps a great finding

Wild animal expectations in search of a glimpse
No footprints or sounds, so I just sigh
As the sun goes down, falls the cloudy mist
The mountains fade into the night sky.



"Paradise"

Seagulls soar over the glistening water
In search of their catch for the day
Sand between my toes, i walk and ponder
So much time to think and relax. No words to say

A treasure.. a sand dollar, what a great find
Although the millions of creatures galore
All together they common with a bind
So divine and peaceful, who could ask for more?

Palm trees sway through the warm air
The sun beats down and kisses the sand
and warms my legs and all exposed bare
All is perfect, all around the gorgeous land

Drifting off to slumber in the netted hammock
Daydreaming of good times, body goes weak
Bad memories fade away, I put them on block
Ocean tides roll in, I take a quick peek.

This is the perfect area for me to unwind
Enjoying the great beauty and serenity around
Nature and landscape, so wonderful and kind
The atmosphere is paradise, no need for a sound.

All About Bambi........

My favorite thing in the world is my girls. I love the color pink. My Grandma Junge was my favorite person in the world. I love smelly things like perfume, candles, perfume, good smelling shampoo, fresh cut grass, smell of babies, chocolate & coffee! I love drinking coffee. I love that my cat cuddles with me every single night. I love the sounds of my girls laughing and the sounds of the ocean and babies cooing. I love the sound of the rain, the trees blowing softly on a warm day. I love to laugh. I love flowers. I love going to the zoo. My favorite animals are the gorillas. I could sit there for hours and not be bored. I love walking. I love Florida & Hawaii. I HATE snow and it being cold. I love sunsets and sunrises. I love making people laugh. I believe in God. I love animal prints. I love hugs better than handshakes. I love the shows, Intervention, Biggest Loser & Parenthood. I'm fragile. I almost always have my walls up. I do not trust people too much. I do not like when people do not like me, or if I hurt people. When I love, I love with all my heart & then some. I hate seeing people hurt or sad or crying. I love quotes & sayings. I love hgtv channel. I do not like on halloween when people wear devil costumes or anything devil looking like horns or tattoos. I HATE cigerettes. I love getting my hair and nails done. I love sticky notes. I love music. I love music concerts. I love when people are mushy. I love surprises. I love cards. I love gifts for no reason. I love giving people presents. I love gummy bears. I love ice hocky and bullriding. I love babies. I do not like dog poop in yards. I hate animals destorying houses. I hate when people paint on wood work on ceilings. I hate misquitos. I love lady bugs. I love the words fabulous, diva, glamourous, woot, ober, and rockstar. I LOVE makeup. My favorite stores are Sephora, Target, Menards, Gordmans, Bed bath and beyond & Victoria Secret. I like to read. I most recently like to cook. I love when a receipe turns out good. I beat myself up when they turn out bad...aka my onion soup. Most horrible things ever! I love sitting outside when the weather is warm. I love laying out in the sun. Im scared of the dark, so much that one time I thought I saw a shadow and passed out! I'm scared of not being a good enough mom. I'm scared of being alone. I'm scared of never completing all my to do's in life. I love pictures. I love good memories. I love scrapbooking. I hate bad drivers. I love driving in the passing lane. More to come....... ;) Have a blessed day!

The Roller Coaster of Life...

Somedays I seem super happy....other days I'm super sad. Or anywhere in between. I think this too will pass and the much happier days will come more often. I over think alot of things. WAY TO MUCH! I will wake up all hours of the night worrying and fearing things that I absolutly for the most part have no control over. I have a strong fear of ever being unloved or being alone. Dunno why. Just do. I also hate the fact that most about anyone I have trusted has let me down & I never can 100% trust anyone. THAT SUCKS! HATE IT! I'm scared of the dark...and my cat Romeo has been warming me up as I lay down in my lips sheet set on my bed. I'm sure he feels like the gayest cat ever sleeping in my pink & fushia sheets with lips all across them. HA!
I am suppppppppppppper excited to have "rallied" up almost $300 bucks for Relay of Life. Those who helped so far....... THANKS!! Anything to help, even $10 makes a difference. I'm blessed to have such great friends & co-workers that have helped so far! KEEP GIVING! :-)
TODAY I'M THANKFUL FOR: My kitty Romeo. He is 7 and has slept with me everyday I'm home at my house. LOVE HIM & his furry warm body. Unconditional Love! <3

Love Unconditionally...

I found this paper I wrote yesterday. It was one I wrote about my Grandma Junge titled. THE SECOND CHRISTMAS. Tears filled my brims of my eyes as I reread it. Not a day goes by I don't think of my Grandma. I had a dream last night that when she passed away. I had climbed into her bed with her n held her hand until her last breathe. That is what I really wanted to do. I wanted to stay there. I wanted to tell her every single thing I was ever greatful for. Grandma would always smile ear to ear when she talked about our trip to Illinois we wish we were always back there.. In Il. We house sat my aunts house while she visited my cousin Debbie. We did everything. Went to the sears tower. Visited natural museum of history. Went to the zoos. Ate at a place that had ice cream in a miniature sink. Visited my aunt n uncle Ron and Janice. Me n. My grandma had one of our funniest moments that made any talk of donuts become talk of the trip of Il. We discovered Dunkin Donuts. Our biggest weakness ever besides chocolate was donuts. We may have gotten carried away. We ordered 32. We had a three hour drive. We ate them all. First thing aunt Janice asks us do u want a donut with milk? We felt sick! ;) My Grandma and I ate chocolate cereal everyday. Which ironically was one of the only things I craved when I was pregnant. I had painted rocks and tried selling them. I made some friends while there. One had a swimming pool! So I played in the pool so many days. Grandma and I always said we had the best month of our lives!. Anytime she would get frustrated she would say we should have stayed in chicago. We had so much fun. We did. I always agreed. We rode the amtrack out there and back. We played games. Drank juice boxes. We both gained five lbs when we came home. Best memories der. Fast forward now to my second christmas without my Grandma. This is what I wrote....
Does it really get easier... I wonder to myself? Its hard to christmas shop when every year for as long as you remember. You always got your grandma something special. Its hard to walk past all the huge boxes of chocolates...all the birdhouse items..all the fuzzy pink clothing she would have liked.. and not putting in in the cart and being excited about seeing her face as she opened them all excited. To see her face...was the best gift. It was always the best gift of the year to see my grandma peel off the carefully picked angel wrapping paper n see her huge smile from ear to ear. Chocolates? ? She would say. She would tear off the clear sheet wrapping her chocolates. Tear off the lid. Now u guys better help me eat these. Before I eat them all. She would pop one in her mouth n pass around the chocolates. Chocolate would be gathering in the corner of her mouth. She would say thanks Bambi. U know my weakness. My favorite thing always. She was always so thankful. Those were the best days and years with my grandma. I knew my grandmother was getting bad the year she died. I went to.visit her in lincoln while she was in the hospital. She looked ok but not perfect. I thought there is hope. This is not as bad as people say. I still just in case... wanted to give her the gift I found for her that was perfect. It was a pink angel that said #1 grandma. She loved it. She sat it right by her water cup. Same day I told her I was pregnant. I wanted so bad to tell her if I had a girl I would name it after her. I just wanted to surprise her when the baby was born. I couldn't wait to take pictures of them together. Wishful thinking weeks later I got the worst call ever at work. Bambi. U need to come. She isn't gonna last much longer. I cried all the way from grand island to york n I said several prayers. No not now. Just wait. U can't leave me. Im not ready.... I get to where she was all the family was standing around her. I can't even describe the shock and sadness when I looked at my beautiful grandma laying there eyes closed... and I gasped and cried. Everyone turned and looked at me and my brother gave me the biggest hug ever and started crying when he seen me cry. The life slowly draining out of her. The hospice lady said say your goodbyes. She can hear you and she is holding on until you say it is ok to let her go. Hymns were playing on a tape recorder and my pink angel was by her bedside. My tears never stopped. All the memories of us playing in her barn. All the holidays. Chicago. Her blending our ice cream smooth. Me n her washing dishes or us looking at pictures. Memories flashed thru me. It was true. I began getting angry at god. Why did he have to take her now? I was only two months pregnant. I whispered to my grandma thanks for loving me with all your heart. U will never know how much I love u. And grandma if I have a girl I will name her after you. Love u so much. I went home. Never slept. My dad called me the next day crying saying god took her. 4 months later I find out im having twins. I was craving chocolate entire time and in a way felt like my grandma was there with me. Now I have my own little angels Laura and Grace. I realized the 2nd christmas my grandma gave me the best present of all... memories and love from my #1 grandma. Always there wrapped up forever in my heart. RIP LAURA I. A. JUNGE

How Tracy Affected my life.

Hello there! I'm Bambi. I'm fabulous. That could be the end of my writing to sum me all up. Always seems like though I have something to say. I would say though, the passing of my friend Brandy's sister really prompted me to start my own blog. I read her sisters blog & have been inspired so much. Tracy Harnly. The girl with a million dollar smile & heart. She had cancer for five years before it took her precious life. This woman was a wife, a sister, a mother of two darling boys, a daughter. And oh so loved by everyone she came in contact with. In all her pictures there is pure joy in her smile that could light up the darkest room. She writes in her blogs about her life with cancer, her sad parts, but her humor always made me wipe my tears away with laughter. She jokes about her uniboob. Not just anyone would have handled cancer & life the way Tracy did. Attitude is everything. Every blog post had what she was thankful for. I loved that. So many times this past year I have been depressed and sad about my marriage falling apart and the mean stuff said to me by people and I really got down on myself to the point I started drinking. Drinking alot. Seemed kind of funny all within a week I stopped drinking read all Tracy's blogs. I was like I was so like her before. I always laughed and smiled. Even though my best friend and friends told me this too will pass....I kept putting off stopping drinking to numb. People said to me, Bambi you are going to kill yourself. You need to think of your girls. I thought I will next week. I just need to "not deal and not feel now". Then I started really thinking after a night I got comatose drunk and next day thought about how horrible I am to waste my life this way. Tracy probally knew she was going to lose her battle yet up until her last day and breathe, she remained positive, she had a great attitude. I thought what if I was killed in a car wreck or just anything. Every second I waste being depressed about the hand I was dealt with. I realized that day it was enough. I am going to be the Bambi I know. The one full of smiles, and hugs and be inspiring for other people. Just like Tracy did for me. The heavens got an angel that day. RIP TRACY!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vigIVXDmHdI
One of Tracy's Favorite Songs. I run for LIFE!